Chap. 393 The Fallen Cairn

Chap. 393 The Fallen Cairn

I really didn’t expect to come back to Woochick so soon, K’ndar thought.

They came out of between amidst a flock of sea wherries. They squawked in surprise, ceding air space.

Falconth came out of between a few dragonlengths behind him.

Below, the surf had retreated, leaving the beach strewn with the typical ocean flotsam. Yes, I timed low tide perfectly, K’ndar thought. Not bad for a steppe boy.

“Whoa,” P’jar called, “You’re right, I didn’t think the beach would be so small!”

Land, please, K’ndar said. Raventh scanned the beach for a good spot, then backwinged until his hind legs touched the sand.

You always land so gently, sometimes it’s hard for me to know you’ve landed!

Raventh chuckled, proud of his technique.

“On your right,” P’jar called, and his brown landed two winglengths from Raventh.

He bounced Raventh said to K’ndar, his tone scathing.

I can’t help it, Falconth said to him, embarassed, he’s not riding, he’s just sitting. His brain is full of thoughts all running around like frightened chickens. I can’t get through to him. He’s been like this for seven sleeps.

K’ndar dismounted. Siskin chipped and released his grip from behind Raventh’s head. He scanned the beach for sea creatures stranded by the retreating tide. Seeing a crab struggling in the surf, he launched, snatched it out of the water, then flew to Raventh’s forelegs.

Why did he do that?

To keep the sea wherries from stealing it. He’s safe with me, Raventh said.

“That was smart, Siskin,” he said, but the blue was too busy to respond.

P’jar walked up, pulling his backpack from his shoulders. He scanned the jungle’s edge.

“You weren’t wrong, that stuff is thick. This is going to be fun,” he said. “If first glance is any indication, I can probably spend a month just collecting.”

“It’s warm back there, too. Like any jungle.”

“Where’s the cairns, so that I can return on my own?”

“Well, it WAS over there, but it’s fallen over!” The cairn was now a pile of rocks.

He began to put the rocks back in the same configuration that Francie had created. I know her, he thought, she builds them so it takes a good hard shove to knock over. Did the tide disturb the rocks? Impossible. Or maybe the woochick? But there’s no tracks to it. So it had to have come down while underwater, or after high tide.

P’jar stopped beside him. “Maybe you didn’t build it right? Got sloppy?”, his tone scathing.

It took a few seconds for the insult to hit home. He whirled, and faced P’jar.

“I didn’t build it, Francie did,” he snarled. “It was standing when I left. And she’s been building cairns for years. Something pushed it over.”

“Humph,” P’jar said, “Well, no matter. You got us here with just your memory. That’s pretty solid navigation. Well done, K’ndar.”

He felt a sudden urge to clobber the older dragonrider. You’re really a shit, aren’t you, P’jar. It’s now or never. It’s time you understood that I’m not a kid to be sneered at.

“You know, P’jar,” he snarled, “Yesterday you were being an overbearing arse. I thought it was just momentary, but apparently you’re just naturally condescending, because you’re at it again. Anybody else would have called your treatment of Jansen blatant insubordination, never mind utter insolence. Let’s stop that, shall we? I don’t like being patronized. If you continue, I don’t often lose my temper but when I do, things get ugly really fast.”

He waited, expecting a blow. He remembered F’mart coaching him on how to fight. “Hit him hard and fast, K’ndar. Go for the nose if you can. Hard and fast, like you are trying to punch right through him.”

And Siskin will attack him Raventh said.

Yes….

He unconsciously clenched his fists.

P’jar saw the promise in K’ndar’s eye. He’s waiting for me to throw the first punch. He’s cold as ice, they’re the most dangerous. He can probably beat my arse.

He sighed.

“Sorry, mate. If I was that way with Jansen, I chalk it up to Motanith coming in to heat.”

“Nice try,” K’ndar hissed, “but that’s all gas and ash. It wasn’t an “if”. You definitely were being a shithead.”

He watched P’jar’s body language as he spoke. I don’t see anything coming, he thought.

“I don’t like confrontation,” he continued. “I brought you here as a favor, but if you’re going to continue sneering and treating me like some green weyrling, I’m going to call you on it. I’m grown. And I’m done with your attitude.”

P’jar flinched. For one irrational moment he wondered if K’ndar knew. No, of course not.

Shaking his head, he raised his hands in surrender.

I’m…yeah, you’re right, and no I shouldn’t blame it on dragon lust. I..well, damn it,” he heard himself stammer.

He cleared his throat. I’m done, she said. I’m done.

“Um, K’ndar, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“You owe Jansen an apology, too.”

“You’re right. I do,” he nodded, ruefully.

He stopped, his mind refusing to voice what he’d been feeling all week. K’ndar and Jansen didn’t have this coming. I don’t have the right to take it out on them. K’ndar’s a good bloke, so is Jansen. Never mind she can easily have me fired. I pushed the boundary with her, and now I bet I’m on Raylan’s shit list. Two weeks ago this job was for fun, but now I need it. I need a place to live. I’m in deep shit at the weyr and now at Landing. If he sends me packing I don’t know where I’ll go.

“There’s, uh, well, it’s…” he said, keeping his eyes downcast. He kicked the sand in fury. He couldn’t meet K’ndar’s eyes.

“I spent a week at my home weyr, time I really didn’t have coming but Raylan gave it to me. I thought I might, well, uh, my wife, is, well, she’s…we’ve been arguing, all week, she’s, um, she’s leaving me,” he said, his voice rough with emotion.

It was just a week but felt a year long. Damned woman, he thought. I shouldn’t have fallen in love with you. I’ll never forget the Weyrleader coming into our quarters, humiliating me by saying, damn it man, would you shut up, it’s midnight and your shouting is keeping the entire weyr up. And then I got in his face like an idiot, gave him a shove, and now I’m banished.

“Oh,” K’ndar said, “Uh, I’m sorry, I guess? I haven’t ever been in that sort of relationship,” he said, suddenly embarassed at his naivete.

P’jar picked up a rock and launched it as hard as he could into the ocean. The waters were unperturbed. If only I could throw away this pain, this sense of betrayal, he thought. He only barely heard K’ndar’s apology.

“Believe me when I say you’re better off without women. They’ll break you.” He scowled at the surf, resentment flooding his mind.

He remembered the shock when he entered their weyr only to find it virtually empty. Everything but the small pile of his personal belongings was gone. She’d straightened up from sweeping the weyr floor, pushing her hair back with the back of a hand, something he’d seen her do a thousand times. If he’d come in fifteen minutes later she’d have been gone without a clue as to where.

I’m tired of compromising, she said. I’ve been bending over backwards for years. I’m done, she said, there’s nothing you can do to fix it.

Shame washed his heart. I can’t believe I actually begged her to stay. I pissed on my pride. I said, please, let’s reconcile. That look on her face! “Reconcile? Reconcile? No. I’ve done it so many times! Reconciliation to you means you won again! Reconciliation doesn’t mean ‘shut up, woman’. No. I’ve stayed longer than I should have. I’m done. Soon as I finish this sweeping, I’m releasing the weyr to the Headwoman. I’m so done with you.’

But I’m not. But I am, aren’t I.

“I’ve not slept in a week. I can’t get this out of my head. It’s driving me crazy,” he said, more to the world than to K’ndar. “The only way I can, um, the only way I can stop thinking about it is to work. So, let’s rebuild this cairn, okay, then you point me to where you entered the jungle, although I can see broken vegetation. Is there a path there?”

K’ndar nodded, his andrenaline draining away, to be replaced by a desperate need to escape.

The play of emotions on P’jar’s face told of an inner maelstrom. I don’t want to be here, right now. I don’t care if there’s a ceratopsian waiting for me, he thought, I need to go. I’ll show him the path into the jungle and then I’m leaving as fast as Raventh can launch.

Falconth feels it. He is upset. He’s not been groomed, his rider’s mind is like a hurricane. He doesn’t know what to do Raventh said.

“Here, follow me, I just busted out of the jungle so fast I probably left a trail big enough for a bronze to follow.” He walked up the slope to the vegetation lining the beach. The path was obvious.

“So I see,” P’jar said. He focused on the leaves and found his attention finally moving from her face, her words, to the plant in front of him. He dropped his backpack and pulled out a camera. Yes. Yes. Work. Focus on your first interest, first ever. Plants. Did anyone realize how many thousands of plants were on Pern? All having a strategy to survive, to reproduce? They might not move around but they’re as competitive as any animal. I love finding new ones, figuring out how they can help us, or eat them, or just smell good. This island, it’s new plants end to end! This will keep me busy for a year! This vine, here. What are you? What shall I call you? Yes, I get to name you, I do!

K’ndar saw the man relax as he examined the plant. What do I do now? What do I say? Or should I even bother? “That’s an unusual vine, isn’t it,” he asked, then thought, the less I interact, the sooner I can leave.

“It IS,” P’jar said, his demeanor turning to that of the botanist K’ndar knew.

“Yes, look at this, it’s a vine but one I’ve never seen before,” the man breathed. He clipped off a leaf. “Look at these clever little hooks, they use them to climb other plants. Now, it’s starting to weep,” he said, and laid it gently onto the sand. “I think I know what it may be related to, but if not, still, I’m sure the sap is probably caustic.”

He took several pictures of it.

“Um…if you don’t mind, I’m, uh, I’m going back to Landing,” K’ndar said, to the man’s back.

P’jar was engrossed with examining the plant.

“P’jar?”

Without turning his head, P’jar said, “Uh, yeah. No problem. I’ll be back in a few hours. Thanks for leading me here.”

“Um, right then,” K’ndar said, awkwardly. The silence stretched.

Let’s go Raventh said. Siskin swooped in and landed on Raventh’s neck.

“Don’t forget the tide, P’jar,” K’ndar said, forcing himself to walk backwards when he really wanted to run.

“I won’t,” P’jar said.

He did.

—————————————————————————————————

P’jar was sitting on the only thing still above the water-the cairn.

His backpack and riding jacket were at the base, forgotten as he stared, stared stared at the sea.

You have been silent for a long time. But your mind is swirling, I can’t keep track. Can’t you see I’m in the water? Why are we still here?

Falconth was facing him. The surf was boiling around the dragon’s legs, just under his belly.

P’jar looked at Falconth…but saw her.

‘I’m done. I won’t reconcile. It was just your way of making me shut up,’ she said.

We need to leave. I am in the water. I can still launch from this spot, but the reef is already too deep for me to stand on. The water will make it so that I can’t launch. Why are we still here? Falconth said.

There was no answer, just a mind so full of turbulence that Falconth was terrified.

P’jar. My brother, we need to go. It’s time. Why are you not listening?

P’jar finally ‘saw’ his brown dragon in the surf? How long have I stared at the sea? I don’t remember climbing atop the cairn.

The sea. The sea! Mindless yet powerful. Non-judgmental. All I need do is wade in and inhale and my pain will be over with.

You want to die? But that will hurt me. I don’t want to die. I want you to get on me and leave while I still can.

There was no response.

My brother. You are hurting me. Stop. Stop. We need to leave now. Please.

Shock awakened him. I am hurting HIM. The only being I’ve ever been able to trust, to depend on, to love without fear of betrayal. The voice in my head that isn’t mine, but is. I can’t hurt him. If I die, so does he.

He looked into the eyes of his dragon. They whirled orange with fear and pain.

What the shaff am I thinking? Suicide over her? Shaff that.

The tide! I forgot! My backpack is underwater!

“I’m coming, Falconth!” he shouted over the noise of the surf.

He had to push himself off the cairn, knocking it over again. The water was up to his chest. Pulling the pack out of the water, he pushed his way through the surf and clambered aboard Falconth.

I am sorry, Falconth. I have let you down. I will make it up to you. Let’s go home.

To the weyr?

No. Landing.